Fixing Problems In The Bedroom

If you have goals for a better sex life, we're here for you!  A lot of women are silently navigating painful or uncomfortable sexual experiences, but that's not the only thing that can be improved in the bedroom.

Other goals can include:

• better orgasms (or having one for the first time)
• more open to playfulness or creativity
• better communication
• lack of desire in sex or in your partner

No matter your goals, hopefully you can take away a trick or two from this post that will give you some encouragement and motivation to keep experimenting.

Let's start by discussing pain. Most often we're helping our patients navigate discomfort with penetration, but there are certainly other forms of discomfort, even some that only crop up after sex. Obviously one blog post can't expound on every situation of discomfort or every possible solution, but I'm hoping some refreshers on how our bodies work will help a little.

The human body does some amazing things to prepare for intimacy and penetration, for both men and women. For women, some of the things that occur during the excitement phase are an increase in blood flow to the genitals, vaginal lubrication, swelling of the vaginal walls, and lengthening of the vaginal canal.

For some women experiencing pain with initial or deep penetration, their bodies simply need more time in the excitement phase before attempting penetration of any kind. Quickies can be awesome, but we need to understand that a woman's body is designed to take time to warm up. Side note: orgasms are better for BOTH genders if you take a little longer in the excitement and plateau phases.

Tricks to allow yourself time to warm up:

• Take a shower together first.
• Give or receive a sensual body massage.
• Have a 5 song rule, where penetration can't occur until after a certain number of songs on the playlist.
• Play with other forms of physical connection. Penis in vagina sex is definitely not the only way to go.
• If you don't have time for foreplay, even thinking or preparing for sex can start the excitement process. Take a bath and have a cup of your favorite drink while your husband puts the kids to bed. Send flirtatious texts or wear something that makes you feel super sexy underneath your clothes throughout the day.

For those unable to have an orgasm or noticing theirs have changed over the years, here's a typical progression I go through with my patients. First, we make sure there is an understanding of how orgasms work and how their body progresses through the arousal cycle, as we mentioned above. Only a small percentage of women experience orgasms through penetration; the vast majority require some form of clitoral stimulation. Unfortunately, that's not the assumption for a lot of women and their partners.

Then we might check that there is enough strength and range of motion in their pelvic floor muscles. For some women, there is simply so much tension in their pelvis that their orgasms feel weaker or harder to achieve. 

We might also look into their mental and emotional states surrounding sex and sensuality in general. How do they perceive themselves and their spouse? Somatic experiencing sessions can help tremendously in this area, especially if there is a history of trauma. Our bodies often betray how we really feel, despite our best efforts. If you can't figure out why you don't want to have sex or why you aren't attracted to your spouse, this can be a good place to explore. Also worth noting, mental health therapy is HUGE in this department.

I will also use somatic experiencing training to help patients connect better with their authentic selves, which are both creative and playful.

We can all learn and grow when it comes to our sensuality and sexual experiences. If this post helped but you feel like you need more curated assistance, please reach out! No topic is t.m.i and we are obsessed with helping you feel your best in and out of the bedroom.

Plus One Pelvic Health
615-933-9347
[email protected]